Depression isn't something I miss, but sometimes I miss the inspiration it gave me.

There's no feeling like knowing you can't go down any more.

And even when I thought I was on the top, I was secretly lying to myself about my feelings. I was covering up my feelings with smiles and lies...

If I were someone else reading this, I'd feel I were a joke. I would only give the person respect if I read their diary in their darkest hour, when they really needed someone to look over them and hold them close.

I don't feel anything for people who have normal lives with work, school, and friends. I don't feel anything for people who don't suffer from some disease, illness, or misfortune. And even when those people (normal people) had reached the bottom, it would take me a while for them to feel anything for them, because I know they had it better at some point, and have something to go back to. If someone has it all, and they lose it, I think to myself about how it's all their fault.

So, now that I am the person that I don't pity, I don't pity myself. I've been down there, and I know what it's like, but I don't want to go back. I'm just glad I've experienced it, however morbid that sounds.

But I wouldn't expect anyone who's suffering to take me seriously. I'm not hurting like you...I can't relate...

It's funny how after you've gained so much strength in your self and in your mind, how you lose so much of who you were, and all those who would suffer with you. Happy people don't connect with one another on the level that people do when they're suffering. When two people are suffering together, they are really together. And once that common ground is broken, and one takes off and gets better, they can no longer relate, and the other doesn't care for the happy one any more.

You lose the greatest group of people who will suffer with you, and you gain a group of people who no longer can feel for themselves.