Why am I typing? What good use does this ever do? I feel like crap. Why? I cannot answer that. I figure if I keep typing, something will come out. Maybe, maybe not. Why am I even trying? I have so much in my mind. I just want to be left alone. That cannot happen! If I am here, my brother is watching me, he has no life! All he ever does is try to get me in trouble. If he is not doing that, he is pissing me off like he is right now as I type. Just go away! Either he is better, or he is trying to get me in trouble. If I try to go on later when I am not being watched my dad gets pissed at me because he is not there to watch me! Why won't anyone leave me alone?!? The phone rings like every 5 minutes. I haven't had any time to myself in a long, long time. Not saying I want to give up my daily life, but it is just if people are around me then I either feel left out, or I feel like I don't belong there. Where do I belong? I can't seam to find anyone who I can truly and wholly connect with. Yes, there are people who can compare, but no one understands me. Who can understand you? Do they read every thought that passes through your mind everyday? Do they come in contact with the same people at the same time with the same history of knowledge to know exactly how you hurt? There is no human who you can understand enough that you can communicate on this plane that nothing can break your connection. Is there anyone who can understand what I mean? Where I come from? Where I belong? These thoughts come and go like the rain. Sometimes sparse, sometimes 3-4 times a day. These thoughts of a sense of not belonging anywhere. If I don't belong, why am I here? Boom! That totally upsets my whole train of thought. If I didn't belong, I wouldn't be here. If I wasn't here, something wouldn't set right. The pieces wouldn't fit exactly right. I wish I could know where I should be because I am kinda getting sick of it. I have tried different people, different groups, haven't really found a place I am really needed. I seam like the extra. I am just....there. I don't really belong anywhere. Is that why I am here? To be the other one in the group? To have a sense of purpose only when someone needs to talk? I seam to flow with the wind. I am carried place to place to only do the same thing. I don't change. I stay the same. My attitude doesn't change. So why is it that I can flow from group to group and act the same and still in some way belong? You don't normally see someone who hates the world warming up to someone who lives only for God. How is it that I can be in all these places and still seam to belong? That is the thing, I don't belong. I seam like I should, but I don't. People need my mind. Where ever I go, remaining the same, different parts of me show. Is that how I belong? By showing different parts of one mind that not everyone can see? I am a different person with every person I am with. I am never the same. I am like a snowflake. No two are ever alike. I am never the same person. Where am I going with this? I am only saying things that I already knew in advance. This is my mind, every second of the day. I change. What is bothering me? Life. Wow Liz, life is bothering you, welcome to the planet Earth. I am just like everyone else, I don't think anyone knows what I feel, but I know that is just how everyone is, no one CAN understand what you feel. Can't you see that? We search the world trying to find answers we already know the answers to. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. We wake up everyday and go to sleep every night. We all are insane aren't we. We take different paths of the same road and plan on reaching somewhere we like. Get over it. Nothing is fair, nothing was supposed to be fair. Congratulations Elizabeth, you have gone through a page of nothing. Feel any better? Not really, I am in the same place I was in at the beginning. No matter what, I end up in the same place. With new questions to be answered, and the old questions still bugging me more and more. It isn’t good to think, is it? Ahh! I feel like my head is going to explode. I can’t even think straight, I am typing while thinking of nothing to type about. Please, get me out of here. Take me back to the place where I don’t belong. Take me to the people who don’t understand me. Take me back to the place where I do belong. I belong no where. And that is why I am here. To come and go in peoples minds. To go from place to place and be there for the other people who are searching for why they are there. And that is how I am. Questioning everything, planning to get no where, and ending up in the same place. This is me. Confused yet knowing why I am here, knowing exactly where I belong. Yet, once tomorrow comes, I will do this all again. Welcome to life.